Thou Shalt Not “Should” on Thyself

Wow, does that say it all!! A client shared that great quote me this week, even though she admitted she routinely “shoulded” on herself.

By far, we’ve found living through and becoming your Should Bees is the most common source of career dissatisfaction. How do you keep from “Shoulding” on yourself like she did? In consulting close to 500 people, I’ve found there are four common reasons people “should” on themselves. See if any of these sound familiar? …

#1 Reason People “Should” on Themselves – You believe it’s what you have to do to keep your job. This is a common one. You feel like just being yourself isn’t good enough for your job. If it’s true that you have to pretend to be someone else in order to keep your job, there’s your sign. YOU’RE IN THE WRONG JOB!! It doesn’t have to be that way.

Yes, there are some times in life when you just have to grin and bear it, but don’t do that habitually. If you are living through Should Bees just to keep your job, seek a job and career where you can just be you… where the job fits the uniqueness of you. Don’t lose your uniqueness by becoming what you think you Should Bee.

#2 Reason People “Should” on Themselves – You’re not aware enough to know that you are truly living through your Should Bees. This is when you are living through your Should Bees largely on autopilot, even though your Should Bees are sucking the life out of you. We run into that a lot with our clients. Should Bees become a part of their routine because it seems so “normal”. Why does being miserable seem so normal?

#3 Reason People “Should” on Themselves – You become your Should Bees so much that you don’t have any idea who the real you is underneath those Should Bees. This is common, especially for those in mid-career. If you can’t succinctly describe yourself without referring to your job title or skill set, this is probably you. You aren’t your job title or your skill set. You’re much more than that. Know who you are way down in your core.

#4 Reason People “Should” on Themselves – You know the real you, but you don’t embrace that as being special. When we uncover a person’s Given Talent (their natural core way of thinking that totally defines them), they often downplay it because it comes so easily to them. You should be on our side of The Clarifier when we uncover a person’s Given Talent. Each person’s Given Talent is unique, and there’s no way anybody else does it the same way. Don’t discount your natural ability just because it comes so easily to you.

There’s really no good reason to continue “Shoulding” on yourself. To stop shoulding on yourself, first recognize your natural abilities (or what we call your Given Talent). Then become expert at telling others about that gift and how it will benefit others. Finally, be yourself through your Given Talent instead of becoming your Should Bees. Be your Given Talent in your resume, in how you interview, in how you network… everywhere.

If you want to find out how much you’re using your Given Talent in your everyday life, take our free Reality Check. You’ll be entertained and you’ll learn about yourself.

Have some fun with just being YOU!!

Author:

Dave Dutton – Founder of Dave Dutton – Founder of stuckinarut.com – Answering the question for all ages, “What do I want to be when I grow up.”